Trying to re-build my life..
All too easily I could give up, roll over and let anorexia suck what’s left of Mima out of me. Despite my recovery not feeling like it’s been progressing, I’ve resolved myself to try to improve other areas of my life instead.
I took some time to think long and hard about what Mima really enjoys, so, the other week I took a chance and sent an email to a cool looking Creative Advertising Agency, near home. I thought (as anorexia always makes me) that no one would possibly want me, I’m useless, and it was a total waste of time. But, that spark of Mima that’s still there willed me on, so I went ahead and sent the email, leaving anorexia’s lies to fall on deaf ears.
Low and behold, the following day I received a reply, and… I’ve now completed my first week at Farrows! So a little life lesson Mima, don’t believe everything you think. I feel like this is the same for so many though, anorexic or not. We so often doubt ourselves and self-sabotage, the only difference is, when you have anorexia sitting on your shoulder, the self-doubt is heightened to every aspect of your life. I certainly feel that my own lack of self-belief is a major part of what’s preventing me from beating this thing.
Similarly to the lack of belief I felt about passing my A-Levels, getting into St Andrews, or winning a place at Norland, I still don’t believe that I will ever manage to beat anorexia. This is why being offered this internship really is such a big deal to me; it’s given me a real boost and has reminded me that maybe I am capable of more than I allow myself to believe.
I hope that with this internship I can continue to surprise myself, and start to regain the confidence I once had, when I used to blast out Beyonce’s ‘Bow down Bitches’ and storm into the common room fully believing it. I hope that I can use this opportunity to prove to myself that I am more than this illness, I have other qualities, other skills, and what’s more, I deserve a life where I can fulfil these, a life without anorexia.
